Leading After a Workplace Tragedy: Support, Grief and Recovery

Some crises are not about buildings, systems or reputations. They are about people: a coworker killed in an accident, a sudden death at a desk, an assault, a disaster that touches every family on the team. In these moments, people look to their leader less for answers than for steadiness and care.

Nobody is fully prepared for this. A handbook for managers from the U.S. Office of Personnel Management (OPM) opens by acknowledging that "many of us are ill-prepared to handle the traumatic events" it covers. The good news is that what helps most is often simple: being present, sharing information honestly, and connecting people with support.

This guide draws on federal guidance for leaders. It is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you or someone on your team is in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

The first hours: safety, facts and presence

OPM's handbook notes that a manager's first responses will probably be almost automatic: notify the proper authorities and take whatever steps are needed to preserve life and safety. Once the immediate emergency is over, the harder work begins.

If a work-related incident causes a death or serious injury, remember the legal reporting duty as well. OSHA requires employers to report a work-related fatality within 8 hours, and an in-patient hospitalization, amputation or loss of an eye within 24 hours. This is general information, not legal advice; other reporting duties depend on your industry and location. Our checklist for the first hours of a crisis covers these early steps in more detail.

For your people, OPM's guidance for the early hours is consistent:

• Stay firmly in charge, and be visible. Ask people how they are doing, and try not to let investigations pull you away for long periods.
• Share information as soon as you have it, and don't be afraid to say "I don't know."
• Ask higher management for support, such as relief from deadlines or temporary help with administrative work.
• Contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if your organization has one, and encourage employees to use it.
• Don't "keep a stiff upper lip" or advise anyone else to. Letting people see your natural reaction shows you care, and that strong feelings and functioning can coexist.

Listening to someone who is hurting

Many leaders worry about saying the wrong thing. OPM's handbook says the most important thing is "simply to be there and listen and show you care." Its practical suggestions include finding a private setting, keeping your comments brief, asking questions that invite the person to keep talking, and letting people know it is OK to cry.

It also lists things to avoid: criticizing the person, minimizing their pain, and asking them to hide their feelings. Its examples of what not to say include "You're overreacting," "It could be a lot worse" and "You have to pull yourself together." And it cautions against saying "I know exactly how you feel," because everyone's experience is different.

Let people choose when to talk. Guidance on traumatic incident stress from the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH), written for workers responding to traumatic events, tells them that they decide when they want to discuss their experience, and notes that talking about an event may be reliving it. Offer opportunities, never requirements.

Grieving together as a work group

When a coworker dies, OPM describes the manager's role as providing grief leadership. Its suggestions include:

• Provide a private space where coworkers can talk and grieve without public scrutiny.
• Reach out to employees who are on leave or traveling, so they are not left out.
• Consider a memorial service, especially if coworkers cannot attend the funeral, and make it suitable for employees of all faiths.
• Reach out to the family through cards, visits or attending the service.
• Support informal rituals, such as a group of friends cleaning out the person's desk.

OPM's handbook warns that the most common mistake with memorials is planning them at too high a level. Senior leaders who take over to produce a polished event can come across as putting on a show. It recommends giving the closest associates of the person who died the key roles.

It also advises that new hires should not be made to feel like a "replacement." Reorganizing responsibilities or moving furniture can spare everyone the pain of seeing someone new at the same desk, doing the same job.

Supporting people in the weeks that follow

The VA's National Center for PTSD offers guidance for leaders supporting staff after disasters and other traumatic events. It notes that managers play an important role in establishing order, predictability and direction, and recommends giving staff resources such as EAP contact information, options for work relief and access to peer support.

It organizes ongoing support around five elements from the Stress First Aid peer support model: Cover, Calm, Connect, Competence and Confidence. In practice, that means asking about people's sense of safety, allowing frank conversation about the event, encouraging connection with coworkers, offering resources for coping, and checking in regularly.

The same guidance recommends flexibility. Affected employees may have both progressions and regressions in focus and productivity. Where possible, it suggests options such as remote work, a temporary shift to a less demanding role or flexible hours, along with periodic check-ins. It also recommends respecting confidentiality and avoiding speculation about people who are not present.

Expect recovery to be uneven. NIOSH notes that some people react immediately while others have symptoms weeks or months later. The National Center for PTSD's guidance on loss notes that grief can stay intense for months and flare up years later. It adds that an inability to sustain regular work duties six months after a loss may be a symptom of complicated or prolonged grief, and that effective, evidence-based treatments exist. Your role is not to diagnose, but to notice, ask, and refer.

Knowing when to bring in professionals

An EAP can provide counseling and, in some cases, help for groups. OPM's handbook suggests that if a work group has difficulty talking, a professional may help facilitate a meeting. Keep any such session voluntary.

Make sure everyone knows about these two national lines, both available 24/7:

• The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which is free and confidential: call, text or chat 988.
• SAMHSA's Disaster Distress Helpline, a toll-free line for emotional distress related to natural or human-caused disasters: call or text 1-800-985-5990.

Taking care of yourself

Leaders absorb a great deal in these situations. OPM's handbook notes that after listening to someone in pain, you may feel you have absorbed some of it, and suggests talking to a friend, taking a walk or doing whatever restores your spirits. Use your own EAP, lean on peers, and accept help with your workload. You cannot steady others for long if you are running on empty.

Key takeaways

• Safety and reporting come first; then be visible, share what you know and admit what you don't.
• Listen more than you speak, and avoid minimizing, criticizing or telling people to hide their feelings.
• Let the closest coworkers shape memorials, and don't treat a new hire as a "replacement."
• Offer flexibility, regular check-ins and EAP access, and keep any group sessions voluntary.
• Share 988 and the Disaster Distress Helpline widely, and look after your own wellbeing too.

Sources

• U.S. Office of Personnel Management, A Manager's Handbook: Handling Traumatic Events (December 1996)
• VA National Center for PTSD, For Leaders: Supporting Your Staff During or After Disaster Events
• VA National Center for PTSD, For Leaders: Helping Employees in the Aftermath of Loss
• NIOSH (CDC), Traumatic Incident Stress
• OSHA, Report a Fatality or Severe Injury
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, home page
• SAMHSA, Disaster Distress Helpline